it's all too much. i put down books i ordered, it's too much, i just want one book that absorbs my mind, then again, discretely, and to leave the news of the world out for a while. i might be disgruntled. why is the world like it is. is it? am i distorting things? i want it simple, i say, but then i'm off searching for something, i don't know what, something elemental, an understanding. it could be simple, i know, but i know, it won't last. maw doesn't say it anymore i notice, maybe she forgot, it was the endtimes.