i found a note saying go easy on mister as his left paw is hurting but he was trotting along and smiling. it's cold anyway so we turned back at spider bridge. crossing at the light by sip coffee shop a van nearly hit us and i instinctively smacked the side with both hands. mister was just behind me with his own instinct keened, and we passed on. a young group crossing saw us and took a picture, which i should have asked for, they were all smiling and i felt a surge of pride and fear and anger and laughter all at once. then the van came around the block to curse me and i cursed him to hell, laughed and told a couple girls why and they said people are crazy. evil crazy i say. then the van comes around again and calls me a racist son of a bitch and i yell go on you stupid son of a bitch and then we turn down the gangway and the incident ends.

you have to know yourself, and i do, and mister does to, he responds so smartly, yet afterwards i feel fazed. i don't know if i can suppress my instinct to protect myself and my dog when threatened by a weaponized vehicle manned by an autopilot who thinks power and size always has the right of way. but there's instinct, and there's insane, and i want to be sure my instinct doesn't get me shot by an insane hater who's instinct in this case is clearly insane. then i go back to the scene and think, so what should i do? there's only a few seconds to cross at the light, and if they threaten to crush you in those precious seconds what can you do? i suppose this is why people cross wherever they feel like it, because it's a savage situation with the auto-pilots and you can't count on civility or law. finally we have to trust instinct and some kind of crazy grace.