so, fen, i realized this morning i'm still ruled by fear. all the dogs help, but even when i feel free of it, even when i'm not confronting the bullies, fear is around us and in us like water. once i looked up my name and it said,  from the dark water. and that would describe us all, though the darkness and violence that surround us now, are not the water, they too are borne by the same waters. 

in the film about dog thought i saw last night they remarked the way dogs know things that are happening within the body before they surface, and they have the emotional intelligence too, to think of things even before we feel them, since our interface is words. i do wish i could be more that way, and i'm not sure i'll ever get it right. i watched the dogs rapt attention, the joy of learning about us, the fascination. i want that, i want that too.