i'm still feeling emotional from yesterday, almost scared, but bristling with energy, with life. 
i went back to the suicide sale, last day, feeling a tad sheepish and compulsive, then realizing everyone there was returning.  but this time i kind of just wanted to say goodbye to the house.

turns out that psychotic chicago cop who harassed everybody with free dogs for months  along the lakefront and beyond, she lives next door. and now i know, it's not just dogs, and it's not just the gun and the uniform, she's sick and evil and psychotic and deeply troubled, and she acts exactly the same to others as she did to us dog people, she's hell-bent for trouble. 
this time she was enraged about cars parking on her street for the sale and got ten cars ticketed, and enraged at the bikes parked by her fence, where i came in, and she leaned at me with her dead soulless eyes taunting me when i was already moving my bike, and i said so grateful she was out of uniform and gun, you are just downright evil, you are psychotic, something horrible must have happened to you. and she just came at me slowly like an automaton, dead eyes set for evil purpose. and i was on the porch with my final books and she was staring through the fence and a couple next to me waved and i said , you know them? and they said they are our friends and i said the cop? she's your friend? she's evil, she's psychotic. and she said, well, she's hard. hard? no, she's psychotic. and then they said, well i've known her since we were children, and when her father died she had a breakdown, and she's never been the same.

well she's the same to me, psychotic with a gun. 
what she was putting out, the seething mental anguish and sick hatred, made the murder suicide seem benign almost, i mean that was tragic, and sad as hell, but it didn't feel evil to me. 

then someone said i cant believe she's on the police force, and i said, hmm? the chicago police? man just like war, the police are a magnet for psycho's who want to fire guns. of course, they aren't all psychotic, even this ultraviolent society wouldn't put  tolerate that. she is unique at least in the degree of her malevolence. 

then someone later denied that she  was psychotic, or clinically psychotic, and then said she  didn't even know what the term psychosis meant. and i said, i don't give a damn what it means in the clinic, but i know what it means in the neighborhood, and let me tell you, the bitch is psychotic. but my experience as my terminology was already denied.

let us not deny each other's truth.