i guess even swimming i was feeling into the ambivalence about death and dispossession and acquisition of sacred objects and by the late hours i was feeling that everything depends on death, if not for death we would have no place here, not that a murder-suicide made a place for me, but i made a place for their beloved books and objects, in my house acquired of a suicide, so death makes way for us. now i feel we carry matter onward, and pass it on.