Monday, June 30, 2025


i met a guy today who said suggested maybe i should go to gaza because i support the palestinians and not the genociders. i blocked the guy and the next time i saw him he looked past me but today he greeted me and shook my hand. we won't talk about it, but i wonder what he thinks now, almost 2 years later, after gaza has been destroyed. 





 i'm reading the changeling by kenzaburo oe. i'm thinking i've been lucky with the little free libraries lately. and i'm the lucky librarian of vista homes. i think i would be quite sad if i never read books. i may never express the feeling books have imbued in me, but i know i'm lucky. i used to have a couch kenzaburo oe slept on. i don't know what i am otherwise but i am a reader, and a watcher. 


 sing death to the iof.





 it feels like a vigil now.






 i wonder who hates trees? and how do they feel about people? this thought knots my frontal lobe.

there are people who hate trees. you can feel it when you see the damage, unlike wind. you can feel the hate in the damage, and if you tune in, you can feel it in people. damaged people.


 Every day in Gaza the boundaries between reality and imagination blur, and every moment is a test of endurance. In moments like these I ask myself if I will die, or is there a level of torment I must endure before death. 

Donya Abu Sitta


 i feel so stupid i must say, i really can't figure out this smart phone. oh my dog i miss my sweet old flip phone. 


zionazi squid game.

 Deliberately starving a civilian population and then setting up aid sites as a death trap to massacre starving people trying to get food is too evil to wrap your mind around. If we saw a supervillain doing this in a movie we’d think it was dumb, because it wouldn’t be believable. 

Caitlin Johnstone


 i had a dream about you lu, and i'm glad it wasn't true.


 i remember when the war of terror began somebody said we have to support our troops, soldiers aren't to blame for the criminality of the government, and i said but they're the ones who kill for the criminal government, and they said i'm a terrorist because i don't support the troops.


 cortisol flush. feel it in the heart. anger, hurt, tears.


 You cannot defeat the machine by yourself, but you can do something every day to help tilt our society’s collective consciousness toward tearing it down together. 

Caitlin Johnstone


 like when kids back in the day used to play cowboys and indians, the bullies always wanted to be the cowboys, scalping the indians. 


 soldiers of the iof say, we're the nazis, they're the jews.


 yes, to life! and death to the iof.


 it used to be just mowing the lawn, putting them on a diet, now it's starvation and shooting them in the "aid" line. killing, erasing, stealing their land and burying them in their land. this is a process. 


 write about the extermination in gaza. write about the toxic roundup. write about the landgrab in your public park. 


 Do something every day to help undermine public perception of the empire.



 help people realize their government is not a force for good, but an entity for extraction and control of other people and nature.


 Help people to recognize all the ways their government is screwing them over for the benefit of the rich and powerful.


 if we don't think and lose our conscience and we say this is just the way it works that's the banality of evil.


 hannah a. studied evil. they said she blamed the jews for the genocide but she was writing about the way the whole world conspired, mostly in silence, making deals. she fled the nazis and migrated here and then she wrote the origins of totalitarianism, studying evil in america. she didn't write about the nakba, but she surely knew, never again was a dream that was useful for the evil entity.


 rough night sleep. slept too late. olive didn't wake me. i dreamt i lost lulu in a median park. i stopped to greet a dog and she went ahead to another dog and when i got there she was gone. the group she was with was suddenly farther away across a wide curved road. i wondered why i had seen them so close before. i asked a guy and he said look under the buildings of this complex and we looked but i only saw a couple large critters, one who stared back blankly, then i woke up and put olive on my chest and found a little calm and considered well it's not a prophecy, lulu's coming home in the morning and we'll walk tomorrow like we have all these years, and i tear up thinking she's my only dog now, i have to appreciate and take care and love her every day.


 yeah i don't want to know about evil, but it's so powerful and omnipresent. like death. we have to live with it.

Sunday, June 29, 2025


 we saw hannah arendt, facing tyranny. of course there was no mention of the long tyranny in palestine. the blowback from the banality of evil seems to underscore the institutionalization of the holocaust industry. what would hannah arendt say about the live-streaming zionist genocide? 


 lulu in paradise.


 But the present moment is an illusion too.

Rinpoche


 the world is fed up with the siege of the u.s. and israel. people are tired of the politics of genocide. people boycott brand genocide. gaza and palestine have exposed the lies of empire. it's a cult of death and destruction. the zionist colonial terror regime is weak, collapsing. people everywhere are waking up as the insane genocidal hegemon destroys itself. that's why the music lovers chant death to the genocidal regime. song of the day, death to the iof. 


 they call it operation salted fish, from the red light, green light episode of the squid games. starving people line up for food and they are shot. the genocidal squid game is run by u.s. reverend johnny moore with money from the faithful and the overtaxed. 


cats for life, death to the iof.

 


 stay tuned, dougie. they starved people to death in the nazi death camps too. they kill people any way they can. they aim to exterminate humanity. stay tuned. stay tuned.


 The “IDF” is carrying out a literal holocaust in Gaza right now. “Death to the IDF” is a moderate demand. 

Asa Winstanley


 hey dougie, can you play bobby vylan? sure, kes, i was just thinking the very same thing!


 so i'm reading four men shaking by lawrence shainberg. he visits a guy who lost his memory to study amnesia. he asks how he's doing and the guy always says, i'm having problems with my memory. one day he says, why not forget? you spend so much time trying to remember things—why not try to forget them? after all, you've got amnesia. you should be able to do that easily. the guy stares at him in disbelief and then laughs a loud angry stage laugh, and lawrence runs away aghast and maybe never comes back. so i'm thinking the amnesia is like lawrence's meditation. to go on with the mind, you need to keep coming back. amnesia is like the present. not time. present. to say why not just forget, they can't forget they can't remember. they have to remember the present. the mind is still being present, moment to moment. tomorrow is a concept, and a song. 

Saturday, June 28, 2025


i wish we could have a book club for everyone and read mahmood mamdani's good muslim, bad muslim: america, the cold war, and the roots of terror.


 olive found a wasp, almost caught, landed on my chair, flew to the screen, i shut the window, turned on the air, olive watches the wasp shadow on the window shade. 

good news, woolymossroots is making more magical healing salve. 


The sun'll come out tomorrowBet your bottom dollar, that tomorrow there'll be sunJust thinking about tomorrowClears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow 'til there's none
When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonelyI just stick out my chin, and grin, and say, oh
The sun'll come out tomorrowOh, you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what mayTomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrowYou're always a day away
The sun'll come out tomorrowBet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sunJust thinking about tomorrowClears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'til there's none
When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonelyI just stick out my chin, and grin, and say
The sun'll come out tomorrowOh, you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what mayTomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrowYou're always a day away
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrowYou're always a day away


 trudy ate a bite of banana but wouldn't sit up. asked r. where are you? said she'd get up, then rolled over, rolled over again and sang tomorrow, tomorrow, out of the blue, drifted back to sleep, and we split. on the way home the oligarch's tower seemed unreal, while trudy felt very real. that's how we'll evaluate things for now, by how real or unreal they feel. much of what is posited as real seems very unreal, and we are grateful for real things that feel real, even sad things. i'm glad she sang the song tomorrow. 


 we always think of turning points and usually it's just another turn of the widening gyre or downward spiral or sucking vortex, but if the war machine manages to destroy iran it will surely try to destroy china and humanity will ultimately be dominated by the total spectrum terror state. yes, gaza may be lost, but genocide is the red line for all of us, so say it like a prayer: save gaza. pray the end of the war on earth. save life.


 Colonial modernity created permanent political identities—“native” and “settler,” “minority” and “majority”—through legal fictions and administrative divisions. These identities were designed to control populations and prevent unified resistance. The colonized were not just dominated physically but restructured epistemically—taught to see themselves through the lens of the colonizer's logic.

Daniel Pinchbeck


 it feels like humanity is dying. 

Friday, June 27, 2025

we're not made for this heat. the birds must hide. the birds will cook as they fly in the burning sky. 


 tonight we watch the final episode of twin peaks: the return. thirty-four people who were in it have died. it's a strange trip. it feels like an ordeal at times, but we keep going back to it.




 i'm reading life review at the gate of death. people say they remember every thought and feeling of their life, even things long forgotten. they say they see everything without judgement, and they take only knowledge and love on to the afterlife. i listened to rose as she lay dying talking about a banquet. she said she didn't believe in god but she read her daily reminder every day, crossing out the word. she asked if we wanted her suitcase, as she wouldn't need to pack anything. it did feel like she was departing on a soul journey, even if she didn't believe. the soul doesn't need belief, or a suitcase, the soul just knows. i think of trudy with the lost memories. maybe in the end she'll remember everything she forgot.