what happens if you lose your spirit animal? why do some folks believe the spirit is eternal and others that the spirit is mortal? or there is no spirit, only money, like the giants of capitalism. that's off track- they don't concern this inquiry. though sometimes i fear the belief in the spirit is just the wish for more life. all the living want to carry on. except the suicides. it's really impossible to imagine not carrying on, and i imagine the suicides don't think of it as a journey but a journey's end, or one that could not contend. i can't keep this inquiry on track. my mind wanders, perhaps because i don't know what to ask, or who, or what i'm asking in my solitude, i just need to talk, or to see myself think, or try to think, to see a pattern of thinking before me that looks like a map of a dog's wandering. to wander. because. it's difficult to think. i always wander off, midthought. mister does that too, in the physical sense; i don't know what he thinks. for years i've been talking for him, and one day i'll be talking for him and have no more pictures to illustrate this conversation. then it will truly be a conversation of one, or could it be a conversation of spirits? could spirits commingle in one? could that be the eternity we seek? i bet everyone who says we just die wonders. passing like light through leaves, cells, hearts, clouds, eyes, water, molecules, birdsongs, and brains, continuing through space? is metaphysics just poetry? i'm just going to pause this inquiry and return to the start again, wondering, what happens when you lose your spirit animal, and feel the breathless expansion in your heart.