plans,

dreams,

i'm afraid i don't have any of these. i dream at night but mostly i forget. when someone asks me what do i dream of, what are my plans, i feel strange, nervous- like, i know normally people have these things, and they follow their plans, follow their dreams, the best they can. but i just wanted to be safe and happy, and for things to not change, because we moved all the time, and i never made friends, and i kept getting stranger, and every change kept getting worse, faster, until it all just fell apart. then i drank for many years and moved when i had to, but with no plan for life, and my dreams were drunkard's dreams. now i'm older and sober, or anyway i don't drink. but the brain cells that i needed to make plans were preserved in alcohol, so like there, but floating in a jar, dreaming stationary dreams, or dreaming of nothing. this is not to say i do not feel romantic in a way. strange.