sometimes i feel like i wanna wear a mask. partly for anonymity, and partly for protection, though dog knows i'm anonymous already and there is no protection in or from this culture cuz it's the culture of toxicity. i woke feeling dread in my heart and a vague and pervasive toxicity. it's not a new thing, i've always felt it, but it is increasing generally, what i long felt within. along with the increase in environmental toxicity comes a dreadful emotional toxicity, and the two are entwined, like a heart encased in kudzu vines. i had been wondering about the increase in suicides, feeling the rise in the air, and wondering how many, and on democracy now this morning there was an expert on climate related suicide. so it is happening. and it started before the final trump, oh long before, though this time now is undoubtedly one of unpresidented toxicity. and like with the plague, or any other scourge of disease, we want to hide in some way, knowing in our oh so modern way that masks won't help, nor florid bouquets, this toxicity, like the tiniest particles of plastic imaginable, is inside us now. and we can shut input of the final trumps, but they're in the air and in the water, in the warheads, and in us now.
i have to say this when my cup runs over with disgust in this country so sick, as it does each day. and now it is said once again i can go on, smell the flowers, speak with the insects and birds, the dogs and the humans who also need to say what they feel today, and i can jump in the water, regardless of what else the water bears, and feel my life bouy me there.