i don't have many old friends. most people move on or move away. i seem to stay in one place, and move ahead of developments, when i can't pay my rent. i was so low before, i could not even engage with life. now i feel the pulse even when i'm tired. i feel anger at the manipulators, the greedy bastards destroying for quick gain, but i feel love, intense and moving, underlying everything, despite the profiteers, what's keeping us alive. 
i don't have many old friends, and some old ones in my pain i drove away. in my dream life i would be like the hermit on a mountain, cloud-hidden, but the city is a horizontal mountain, and i'm a hermit in a greed-fueled grid. i see some friends grow old faster than me, and i don't want to see them go. i'm tired and i write too quickly for the things i want to say.