john said i heard one of your dogs died. i said how did you know, i know you don't read the blog. well i'm a tad peevish. he said i heard it from mary m. i knew that. he said she was concerned. i knew that. copp is concerned too, and i'm concerned, almost like another me concerned about me. i feel the process of dissolution. i feel like it's incredible that anyone, even the ones who didn't know fen, could not be depressed. humankind is in the process of disaster. this tendency toward death is not just inevitable, it's organized. ok ok i know i'm sad over the loss of a precious dog. and that is enough reason, but it's so much more. every loss feels like a piece of the permafrost falling away into an ocean of rising dissolution. every death feels like the earth laid waste.