not only does he not have paragraphs, he hardly uses periods, this krasznahorkai, but he's pretty funny. i'm only on page 28 and i'm dog tired. alright, never mind about that, i'm sure you're doing your own thing. goonight.

she takes me to the cleaners, again.

 

this fellow is a gentle soul, he cares about people and dogs.
that means a lot in this forsaken genocidal country. 

 

 so, i dumped war. now i try krasznahorkai. from up here it looks like they're building a little scale model world.

 ma. that kid took my treat, ma.

 i have a mysterious itch in my right arm and i think, cancer. earlier there was no itch, it comes at night. earlier i was thinking, i want a kit like this.

 i had the cancer dream, but not about benny. when we were walking today i wondered how long we'd be walking together. he was weaving around kind of obliviously and i thought it was just benny but more so, older. i thought if he was a kid when i was a kid we'd have called him a doofus, and then i felt mean inside. then when i found out he had the cancer i felt like i should have known something was wrong, that he was probably telling me when he looked at me and i didn't get it, i thought he was just being sweet, and lonely maybe, since friedl was sick, but now i know he was sick too, and he knew before we knew, because he felt it inside, and then i think i wonder how much i miss of what other beings are communicating or trying to communicate, to me, or someone. and in a couple weeks it's friedl's birthday, and she wanted to walk him again by the day, and i wondered then if she would make it, and now i wonder if he would, and dog gone it it gets me sad.

 the western brand has been destroyed by terrorism and genocide. good riddance. 

 the u.s. of israel is carrying out a holocaust, and nothing happens. they will continue massacring people but hizballah will drive the israelis out. 

 we dogs of peace are fundamentally anti-war, and the government is fundamentally pro-war. basically the u.s. IS war. we have a big problem with the government. 

 benny has a cancer. he's very sick already. the tumor they said was benign was actually malignant. boxers are high risk for this cancer. all of their boxers have died of it. 

 supposedly blue had military training, but it didn't work, ha, blue's as funny, sweet and spirited as can be.

is iran next?

 

there may not be much hope, but there will be a hell of a change.

 

 in the name of pax americana the war machine destroys the world. they lie, they get the money, people die.

i'm going to spare the defeated, i'm going to speak to the crowd 

i'm going to spare the defeated, 'cause i'm going to speak to the crowd 

i'm going to teach peace to the conquered, i'm going to tame the proud. 

lonesome day blues. bob dylan

ownie sent me a link, i tried the link, it said no healthy upstream. i went upstream and found it live.

 i learned the university has stopped funding the jazz festival. the university is in a financial crisis. is it true? — with all the billionaire donors, and aipac, and all that real estate? something strange is happening in the forsaken country.

 this is the home front of the endless war machine. this is the conquest of the earth. this is the real estate.

i feel the isolation. the desolation. the disconnection in the forsaken country. i believe i will stay sane, despite the conditions we are not made to live in. because i see the forsaken country for what it is, i smell the exhaust, i see the sulphurous haze of the dream produced by the dream factory. i know that earth and some sentient life will survive this regime. that's some consolation for the horrors of the war machine. i feel the urgency now more than ever, it's been building all these years, all of us who survive, while we yet live, all must awaken from the dream of the endless war machine.

 there's a sprawling mental health crisis in the forsaken country. kids despair of the future in the forsaken country run by the war machine. adults despair for the kids. some forsaken people immolate themselves in protest. some lose their livelihoods. some succumb to the gaslight of the war machine and vote joy and fake flowers. they are secretly despairing, like all sentient beings would.

 i got the new krasznahorkai from the beloved library. i admit i wished it was thinner. i get anxious about certain books. this one is 406 pages with no paragraphs. but it flows. and i want to know what it's saying. there are books i will leave unread, in fact i did not finish satantango, but i loved the movie, if love is the right word. i will just relax and go with the flow of the words, but first i think i'll read war, by céline, which was hidden in 1944. i just looked at the last page, page 105. the last lines are Life is enormous, all the same. You can lose yourself anywhere.

 a friend asked if i should put intensely personal stuff in here as it may put some people off. nah, i don't care about them. they can just pass on, the same as when i write about the fake democracy, the war criminals and the terror state. it's a good question though. i need to think about what i'm putting into words, but what i'm putting into words is just talking about feelings, about self and world. all of this is already in the world, like the air and the soil. 

 war criminals, war crimes, crimes against humanity, crimes against nature, crimes against earth.

i'm waking up after sunup thinking thanks, penny lu ,for letting me sleep in a little. i'm going into the bathroom thinking of penny lu brushing my legs and murring, wanting to get on the sink for a drink before running to the kitchen. the sun makes me think of penny lu, waking, remembering, loving, and dying. and now by the time i go to look at the sun, it's already left the courtyard on the way across the sky, but i know it's we who are traveling around the sun.

 i had a cancer dream. the person in the dream with cancer was presenting it like it was nothing, and then i was talking with the daughter and she told me how it was, not nothing, and she was terrified, and she was tearing up, and we said you can't act like it's nothing. it's like gaslighting yourself and everybody. your body knows and you have to be real and in solidarity with your body and the others.

 the reason the government is acting as though it has been taken over by a foreign agent is because it has. 

 k. vows to continue the genocide in palestine. that's a campaign promise, so there will be no surprises, just more shock and awe. go head, vote joy, if that's your idea of joy. 

 at the jazz fest.

at the jazz fest. 

 they take what they want, from the local park to gaza. we can't stop them, and we can't look away.