i feel light headed. i feel old. i let my body go. i know i'm not spose to compare myself but i still compare myself to what i might have been. maybe i should cast a rune for the solstice or is it too late. it might be a sympathetic reaction to r.'s trauma, but also my ears are ringing. i get the feeling something is going on i don't know about while i distract myself. inside out. i'm going to read about someone else, i do get weary of myself, i'm going to read about lorine niedecker who lived quietly on an island in wisconsin.