i am the stupid camera.

i'm not really sure what you want but i love you anyway.

i don't know ian, maybe i'm just an old bitch gone in the teeth, maybe i caint be satified

,maybe it's not the camera, maybe it's just me, maybe all my pictures will be disgruntled projections to infinity,
but this camera sucks.

i wont-ta, i wont-ta, i wona take ya highah!

hoped for clearing

i had hoped for a clearing. but nothing is clear. and obomba's a fracker. it's this crazy weather. i mean global. has it always been like this. people are blase, they say this is nothing, remember the eighties, it's getting better. what's getting better? idiots, it's getting worse!  to everything turnturnturn there is a season, and annihilation is a cycle too, and a season free of human wrath and scourge. but meanwhile there are profits to be made, right obomba? and i gotta learn this fucking camera which to my addled mind is stoopid. and i stopped talk therapy and didnt get a clearing and i stopped, sorta, blogging and i didnt get a clearing, and what can you do if you are not brilliant but still an autodidact and wending in and out of the grid of immovable objects, if you are not brilliant and can't go on you go on like beckett without genius, with a borrowed scintilla of sun. which, very occasionally, can turn the whole world light.

i do not think i like this camera, but it is my camera now.

three views yesterday, i almost ceased to exist, ha. well it's not something i can wholeheartedly recommend, but as vonnegut, who was quite guilty of writing the same book over and over for sixty years, said, "so be it.".

hey! what the fuck! 

sorry copp, this new stupid fucking camera thinks you need this blast of flash. we will see if we can adjust. 

american nerve. Beard believed modern civilization was responsible for nervous collapse.

world revolution, mystery of an organism.

meanwhile, we go back, to see what was left, of us.

following copp, and my own inclination, i look at things as in a dream.

i don't suppose it matters much whether i do this or not, but in some way i will continue. if i live that is. the thug below is creeping me even more after last night i woke to banging searchers for a robber rapist,  at the address of the thug below. he said He don't Stay Heah over and over.
harry dean stanton said None of this matters, but look at harry deans face and you know A lot matters. but i think he's right, it will all unfold in the only way it can.

happiness is when you can't decide between opera and death metal, and you have two stereos.

promised land.

my camera didn't arrive. last night i watched promised land.  sad the pass we've come to, selling even the ground beneath us that was a land of promise, selling any chance we had of living with the land, being paid a pittance for eviscerating the landscape for the massive wealth of corporations. one town holds out, like a jimmy stewart movie. i wonder if any real towns resist the onslaught of frackers? "but where would we go?"  hal holbrook's character says. to the nearest babylon. to oblivion. 

i've always felt i didn't really exist, and the blog often does not convince me otherwise, but i see the page views dwindling and in my cameraless condition i feel i could disappear so easily, in this fast blurry headlong world. perhaps that is the ideal place to start again.
maybe in a coming moment i'll say, rumors of my disappearance may have been embellished for the sake of continuity.

the one who emanates from the shadow. 

the empire strikes out.

my new camera is traveling to copper's house and i'm thrilled. maybe i need to pause, but i also want to stay in touch, though i often feel in touch with ether. i saw the pictures of the brutality against the people of ukraine, i read about the zapatistas, still alive 20 years into NAFTA. i feel the changes. i know people want peace, and we want freedom, and we will have it. we must overcome the structures that oppress and murder us body and spirit. life always asserts.

and this morning the steam was softly swirling across the quiet water and the two swans or snow geese were back by the promontory.  i sat down and melded with the beautiful light and copper came and sat next to me nuzzling and looking with me. i found that i look differently without the camera. if i can relax, i absorb light and image with my whole being, and i feel a quietus, and renewal. 

copp and brady and jinks.