so mom's delusional, and so inadvertently, and with conviction, i know she'll gaslight me. when i think back to childhood i think she's probably always been a little light on reality. i know she was gaslit bad by dad. when i was 7 i had a hernia operation and i climbed up the tree in the front yard. she couldn't figure out what to do. she called the doctor. the doctor said get him down! i know there are predators roaming and they home in on the elderly, and what mom said was happening i could clearly see happening, and felt it in my gut. but that alarm comes with concern for mom and that primal connection, limned with primal confusion. ah, i see why the world was never clear to me. i think i got a hold on reality by trial and error and critical thinking, but it's still conditional, and in a way she's still and always my primary, at times delusional, reality.