if i could tell a story

that would be a comfort

 but other stuff intrudes

 is it mine? am i conflating things?

 is it part of the story, the digression, or is it my capture, telling me?

 to connect i always said (i was always too shy) in pixels i reside

if i was like mister i could smile openly and nuzzle and they might accept me and people would say oh he's so beautiful i just want to touch him, can i?

 and then i'd forget about all that stuff about mass technology and corporate government evil and ecocide and genocidal war, sigh.

 but ah i'm only human. and staying with the good things seems a fragile thing, an awareness i can't maintain, like he,

 even though i taught him.

 ah i can get back with it with him but i have to keep returning and it doesn't maybe translate so good and i know i'll be in trouble again.

 but today i'm going to just go out there and love him up and he's going to love me up and we're going to radiate love.

cuz i know how i get captured in dark thoughts and hungry ghosts look out of my eyes
and i dwell on human evil and
i know how unreal that is
and how dark it can spiral down deep inside.