i want to show you this tree.

i want to show you this tree too.

one more thing, before you go.

the penultimate smile.

he likes to get in the picture i say.
what they say.
He Likes To Get In The Picture.
Oh ha ha
they say.

i feel a rush
like
there is no time
but for what
for this
there is time
see?

if there is time
for this see
there is time
for anything.

stimulation of the front of the brain could mediate depression, though stimulation can spill into other areas and be unpredictable.

a dude who drew stick figure cats got some transcranial magnetic stimulation and then he drew like a virtuoso.

but then the talent faded. but what if you could do your own TMS whenever the spirit moved you?

sing a savant song.

suddenly sitting here in my sofa bed i feel i'm stepping on clouds,
the back of my head tingles who knows,
with flora with fauna, with
synaptic impulses.

the space inside your head, however, is filled with brain cells in numbers that defy comprehension.  john elder robison

now i want to be magnet brain.

protection, light tendrils, bristly wild antennae.

    the living wiring in our brains can pick up electrical energy from outside. our brains are electromagnetic.

axons and dendrites and synapses oh my.

reading another autism memoir

i imagine i'm walking around
undiagnosed,
that i'm missing something,
that i'm envious almost,
that he found his
diagnosis
and

transcranial magnetic stimulation, or as mitch says, mindmelding.
(hey, maybe we do that TMS the low-fi way.)

 i had a vision of tiny birds nesting in my beard, and i'm sure it's from a story, eating crumbs and going around singing in my beard with me and Copp.

i imagined the head-nesting birds would bring balance
to my flora and fauna,
like those tiny birds in the crocodile's mouth
or those little passengers feeding on browsing moose
or those sweet fishes keeping whales clean.
and my head would be
healthy and happy in song.

stimulating mirror neurons.

mister likes it when i get on his wavelength and i like it too and i like it when he gets on my wavelength and when we both get on the same wavelength it's nirvana.

but holy fou mogra he's got extraordinary focus, more than most dogs in autoworld. i must remember this, what i ask of him. i just hope we don't get banned from open produce.

there was that word kim gordon used, that word that means the mask that frees you, i forget. but that's like the dog, or the beard sometime, or the girl in the band. it allows you to play, if you aren't able to play you aren't able to learn, and if you aren't able to play with reality you aren't able to learn reality and the false one will consume you.

in that one story, we were free, we were past fear.

thank you freedom riders who are still alive.

if only we could have a civil rights movement again, this time against mercenary corporate war and occupation. it is in fact enslaving america.

we're all we've got so, come on, let's work together.

in the paradise of freedom prison awaits. it's just something i read.

but on the walk this morn, which was crazy with activity of the frenetic human kind and since it's rainy all the autopilots come out at once to sow confusion in their cars. i have to force them to stop, to see me, for they Will Not Stop in Autoworld.
i kept trying to maintain focus and it was hard and even harder to focus Copp, and i know, i know, it's a lot to ask of a dog, to focus in Autoworld, the air tainted and heavy with rain and bristling with distraction. to focus on sanity in madness, wow, it's huge, it's crucial. it's excruciating sometimes.

i thought,
is there an end in paradise or
is paradise beyond all ends.
here we live
in paradise let's say
but our brains aren't picking up on it,
mediated and mutated by
soporific technology.

it's like that film technique
where one brain stands still
and everything goes maniacally on
around that shy shrinking center.

fen was a tad punky today.

i battled with hope for many months after years i thought i reached a compromise.

i'm in you, you're in me.

mister boykin.

really compromise is all it is, the rest is untenable.

i do think that a lot of my trouble with communication stems from my profound unease in autoworld.

there is a chance i might still grow antlers or something like by emotional intelligence and neuroplasticity but probably what i should hope for is no more than to swing slowly from my given tree.

but it may mean no more than the reaching
of an underachiever.

i'm not sane yet
and i don't know why i say yet. 
but i'm not as crazy as i was
though one may wonder by the blog.
i do think there's a reason i keep
reading about the autism spectrum,
brain plasticity,
and emotional intelligence,
but that as they say may
yet be revealed.

i don't know what i'm doing tomorrow,
except walking, but i'll probably blog, even if
i ain't got much, knowing it may be more narcissistic
than self reflective, or dog reflective,
and there might be cuss words.

when you're preoccupied but don't want to get anxious about it, you got to lean into them.

mom said i'm worried
i said you shouldn't worry
i'm worried
she said you shouldn't worry
i said you got to worry
to find out
why you're worried
and then you might
let your worries go
like exhalations.

that is how a few million bad apples
got control of the human orchard
of billions and billions
served.

if you see a police

if you see a police,
don't runaway,
but do not approach.

copp swam for a sprite

copp swam for a sprite.
his snaggle-tooth put a hole in it,
and he licked it
with surprise.

copp walked the other side
of the fence again
and found a red delicious,
and held it til the fence-break whereopon
i took it as being beyond its
good day.

i'm done with girl in a band.
it didn't turn out like i hoped,
as they often do.
i know, it was precipitated on divorce,
and god knows i know how that goes.
but it started so fresh,
and then kind of got lost,
and i know how that goes,
but in art you hope
despite the evidence,
to keep on
elevating yourself,
and i wanted that girl
to be humble
and do that,
humbly elevate,
and bring me with,
but i think it got stale, the marriage,
and the fame stultified, though
it's only a moment in her time,
and in mine, and now one of us
knows the other better,
and will still listen.

money's so unreal

money's so unreal.
with one mission impossible,
i could live my life several times,
without sequelae.

sometimes i think
when i'm walking
even if i am stuck
in my own head
i got my antennae up.

like wow
i'm more aware than ever! and before
i use to pull my antennae in,
and look down
all the time.

dog awareness
did that for me.

but when i'm done
walking and go
back home
i tend to be in my head again,
yet not like before.