someone said that the cat will tell you when it's time. we're tuning into her time. they also said a cat will go naturally, and that we may confuse our suffering with the cat's. i think it's a responsibility of love to help. people often linger beyond the time they can say they would prefer to let go. no one wants to hasten a loved one's death or to see them suffer. everyone alive wants to live, and everyone will die. we need help living and dying. we're in it together. love to all.

i'm reading creation lake now. 

 

 The US-led "War on Terror" has resulted in more than 4 million deaths and displaced 40-60 million people. This is in keeping with its long history of indiscriminate warfare from Korea to Vietnam and beyond.

Christopher Iacovetti

"The United States is Not a Nation"

cide.

 

 i study you, i have studied you, for years now, i will study you.

always remember the cat.
 

 when i poured the hot water for coffee an insect came out of the spout and ran like hell down the crack by the fridge. i hear the tapping of the twins' feet overhead. we'll have to find a new routine for the space left after penny. i would like to talk to her ghost when i look around. i'd like to keep filling her bowl and imagine her here enjoying the old routine. knowing she's not there when i wake. knowing she'll be gone for good just as she was here for good. feeling her ginger personality in the space where she lived. (she's still here, in the other room, remember. go say hi, touch her head right now, while you can).

saturday, the end of august. penny let me sleep til a quarter to seven. she slept between us most of the night. i kept waking up and touching her head. i'll miss her waking me up with her whiskers and her murmurs. we still have three full days. and then. it's so strange to schedule her end.

 

r. was fostering penny until she got adopted at 8 weeks. six months later she was returned to animal care and control. she was in the euthanasia room. she was recognized and they called r. and she came back, this time for good. she could have died 17 years ago. 

 when they say hope and change and joy the ruling party means genocide.

 indifference can be very aggressive. there was a couple walking by us, they always walk intensely, usually crossing the street if they see a dog. one was on the phone, the other saw me smile with a black kid sitting on a low wall. he looked at the kid and said working hard, huh? it's all about the money. then he swung his eyes at me and said, ain't nothin funny, you gotta have a con in this neighborhood. i was still smiling and looked back at the kid and he was smiling too. it was funny but rather hostile. of course i may be interpreting. perhaps the scariest people are the good silent neighbors.

 waiting for something, not a train. benny in the pop-up gallery under the tracks.

 the painting was facing out again. i flipped it with joe peeking out like kilroy. i'll see what happens tomorrow. 

 she wants to be with us. she starts the night sleeping on r.'s back, then lays between us, and then darts across my pillow to sleep curled up on my bedside table. i'll miss seeing her there when i open my eyes. i might be still seeing her there after. oof, just the word after makes me cry. she wants to be with us, but she's getting very tired.

 

 are people getting ruder, meaner, and less civilized, in the time of democratic genocide?

more styrofoam, more styrofoam, need more styrofoam in the wetland park to float the massive edifice of the obamachron for one thousand years. 

mutations of power. turn the face of power to the wall, for it has been grievously, badly painted. make america a blank canvas on both sides. unsubscribe.

 i walk by the cloisters and hear a signpost without a sign sounding like a rain stick. i look for signs and omens, wondering what's missing, what's coming, what's pretend. 

 they break up the sidewalk. they pour a new sidewalk. they break the new sidewalk. they haul the new sidewalk away. they pour a new sidewalk. they drain the wetland. they occupy the midway. the oligarchy rules the park. improvements coming soon. hope and change. people hope, oligarchs change.

 grief is a blessing. where would we be if we could not grieve?

 does chaos theory square with human agency? say what? jus kidding. you're nuts, dug. 

 lulu's having gum surgery today. i got a text at midnight. poor kid, what a bizarre thing. one of us has too little, while the other has too much.

 

always remember this cat.

 this was the kids' free palestine tree, but people ripped down all the kids' messages. there's a tin can left, and an empty nest with plastic mesh from last year.

 charlie always wants to go in the dog yard, if no one's there. she wants to be the only dog in the dog yard. she goes and sits on the chaise lounge and watches the people go by outside. then she looks at me after watching her a while and i say, shall we walk? and she hops down.

 we scheduled home euthanasia for penny on tuesday at 10 a.m. she just came in the kitchen asking for food. i grated some parmesan for her. i got her strawberry ice cream. it doesn't seem real, because it's too real. oh my god we're going to miss the kid. 

 
the startup nation's becoming a shutdown nation. this is it's fate.  

 

israel will collapse within no more than a year if the war of attrition against hamas and hezbollah continues. (haaretz)

 the longer the genocide goes, on the worse it will be for amerisrael, but the masters of war don't give a damn. genocide is their business. 

today i turned the ugly painting to face the wall under joe, and when i passed again i hung the blank canvas over joe's face. i can still see him behind it but he looks better as a blank canvas. there were two stick pins left from a free palestine poster i placed and some numbskull removed long ago.

she doesn't cry now when i leave the apartment.

 

 in the end when, all is said and done, they will say it was all made up, did you think it was real?