i wonder what mom would write if she wrote. like i wonder what would anyone write if they could just pour their heart out in words. i guess dad never wrote anything he wanted to leave us. he seemed like he had something to say, but it may have been that he had no words, and it's sad because there was a story that died in him. i felt like something died with him. it was a kind of relief, i didn't have to feel his silence anymore. why do i think of him with the picture of lulu and the teddy bear? i don't know. someday i may tell the story that i imagine he would and how it died with him. there are stories of course that have no words.