i'm down to two readers and i vow again to not track numbers. when somebody says, ya gotta do it for yourself, that's only after you see no one is there. anyway i'm assured it matters to two people, and i apologize if and when it sucks and in no way rewards their patience.

on the subject of memory evermore subjective suzanne suggested i be careful what i wish for and i wondered, can wishing erase memory? i might want to erase the burdens of memory but i'd wish to preserve the sweetness. then though, my memory may be becoming like that of the dog, which i imagine to be sweetness and essence. and love, id never want to forget the always present memory of love, or bury it like an old bone.

fall, fall again

present in the memory of a dog

startagain

tunnel eyes

well, here we are.

if there's no beginning or end how can there be so much accumulation.

lust for power leads to war, that's our nature. what do you mean, nature? how can i explain, it's like being hungry, or wanting something very much.

they were on a cruise through history.

there are civilizations that have been forgotten and civilizaions that forget and civilizations that are remembered only by books, and there's one civilization that disremembers itself daily and won't let us forget.

but hey were not all civilizations born to die like mass individuals consuming everything then themselves?

i didn't lose happiness just the human centered kind. i'm happy all the time with copp. even when i'm sad. especially then.

it's all so natural and there are no barriers, with words or without.

the happiness of a sailor is like unto a fish but who can't breath in water

so i'm left, with a hazy memory, with a nostalgia displacing memory. is this a way to protect my mind from the violence outside?

copp fetches my walking stick.

i never get invited to the banquet, so i make my own meager repast.

i'm happy copp doesn't have to think all the things i think, and be wary of the humans.

i'm glad if he can just play forever until he gets real old.

what is civilization

it's nothing, in the end, but expedience.

every thought i have

is displaced

by the next to last thought.

sometimes i wonder if fen really likes to pose or if he's just cooperating.

a singer fell from the sky.

i wanted to help, i wanted to fly.

no one knows his birthday so he celebrates each day.

distraction is nearly complete, so whatever attracts is good, right.

and cars are a plague.

i try to console myself for all the thoughts i forgot today that were good thoughts really and that i wanted to hold even if no one looks and no one cares, but there is no consolation, except for copp.

it's a happy birthday for someone who doesn't get celebrated and won't see this.

there was a tiny songbird in the grass
a black bead blinked up at me
canted forward like a hard landing
just blinking immobilized
another walker with another golden said
he came upon a pidgeon with a dart through the head
he pulled the dart out and the pidgeon flew
i wish i knew what to do

horus. we're having a discussion of the film Immortal and wondering how the symbol of e pluribus unum pertains to the return of horus.

it's a blank in my mind, growing like the space revealed by the disappearing glaciers and forests.

self-surveillance. in the great democracy we watch our p's and q's while the managers watch us. something like that i think. we must kill to support this inverted pyramid, war is the force that gives our consumption meaning or some such. i'm not at all clear what i'm saying, i'm part of the massive disjunct, the great lie that poses as the real, and i'm reading Surveillance by jonathan raban. he's quite refreshing, but i don't expect it will change anything.

the all-consuming selves we take for granted today are merely empty receptacles of desire. i read that somewhere.

yeah, there's a blank in my memory, it's the only thing growing.

 pioneer of hip.

perhaps it's dreadful that money is god, but that's the story. suzy knickerbocker

it was a parody of democracy. steve fraser

his only fault is being friendly to strangers.

a fault we all should share.

i can't make him realize the difference between friendly and unfriendly people, and i don't really want to. i just want him to be universally loved, like he should be.

hippity dippity do.

goldenrod meditation

jill klunk

 moss gathering.