grey, and still, strangely, after so many days of sirens and explosions. swallows fill the air, and oddly i keep swallowing like my throat is constricted. now it feels weird just me and the cats. r. is a strong presence even when i'm withdrawn in the other room. now i'm the human presence i feel like a solid ghost. the cats eye me that way too. i just wanted to note the post about the bird crashing into glass wasn't a dream and it wasn't real. though sometimes i hear a thunk and wonder. this time it was more about my forehead and my sleeplessness.