in a time you feel so ineffectual even the dog doesn't listen. well it's not her fault, and it's not really a reflection on me, is it? i'm not a trainer, i do what i can, ok i'm ineffectual, in most ways. we were doing good before corona. she was running free and coming—back but in the pandemic she got fat and full of lockdown, pent up energy and i'm reminded she's been trained to play, that's her mode, her play is chase and keep away, and the rest of the time her play is restrained by the leash. when the pandemic began i wanted to be on leash anyway, for a kind of resigned connection, pseudo-security, feeling anxious. it's when you need the training most you realize how little you have. maybe lulu's just a leash dog, and i'm on the other end. my life is leashed in misery. 
ok what really happened? she ran to a mom and baby, jumped up, mom was charmed, then by the bohemian horseman i wanted to pose her, she bolted. she doesn't run away, she just wants to chase and be chased in circles. nothing bad happened, just my ego was frustrated. thwarted yes, and i was tired, in a different mode.
another day in paradise, life's a leash of misery.