every day the shutdown continues. today the library closed, argh—i have four books 
in transit! i feel like yelling but i'm shut inside my yell—whimpering. really we're fine, i'm a little teacup of melodrama, even between crises. i'm not going to facetime talk therapy, i just want to see what is essential when the threat is existential, as it is, as it will be. the epidemiologist says this is not even big, the big one is yet to come, so this crisis is akin to our perpetual war, it doesn't end it only begins again, and expands. when we collapse and can't make war we will still have the pandemic to fight on all sides and up the middle.