i just watched fire in paradise but it was so much better than the frontline doc it was like seeing the fire for the first time though i saw that other one twice and they said it was new the second time. this netflix one is only 40 minutes but it blows frontline's fire in paradise away. i started getting really really hot and stopped the film halfway to walk mister. it think it was psychological, though the heat in here had spiked. now the windows are open, the cats and dog are fed, my beans and rice are ready, i got organic salad for a dollar, and i'm done with fire in paradise now grateful that the distance i felt after the first film was eliminated. in my mind i was on the bus with those kids, and i felt those images of terror in my gut. some of the kids want to go home but the whole town is charred remains. to think of rebuilding there- not just with the trauma past but the anticipation of what is inevitable.

when we came out of the alley i looked down and saw this white shape and thought it's just a scrap of paper my mind sees as a dog but i picked it up and on the other side was a pink dog.
when i watched the rest of the fire there was a firefighter who got some people to leave their house as the fire was about to engulph it. their dog ran out of the car back to the house and the people wanted to go back to get the dog and the firefighter said no, you will die, and he cried and said they hate me but they're alive.

 i wonder what the 59 x degrees means. in exactly 2 weeks i will no longer be 59.