what am i going to do. i can't sleep. the fungus is taking over me. it's like an early david cronenberg movie, where your own body becomes alien. the aliens aren't outside, they can't be walled out or annihilated, they're inside you. how long will i be the host body for the fungus, when will i simply become the fungus. they say you have to fight this, your body can't fight this on it's own. but how? everyone says something, should do a cleanse, a bath in vinegar, in hydrogen peroxide. no one has said let go let god pray. prey to a fungus god.

think i will have to go home just to give r. some peace. i worry i'll infect her too. it's worse at night. i was feeling hopeful earlier. i was walking around easily, thought my feet were sloughing off the old skin.but they itch now like crazy, like a new fungal cycle is beginning again. it ain't nothing new though. this fungus new to me, is ancient, it came before me, and it will live beyond me, perhaps beyond all of us.

i'm going crazy, but i have to think about, i don't even know how to think about, i have to wonder what this means. i know the world is going crazy. but what does this mean, to me? 

i opened katz's blog and saw a wall of text tumbling down the page, and i ran. i suspect you will do the same. i think if no one reads this it's still a lifeline. in my mind. just now it's 6:22, there's nothing else to do.