in the shower i used black soap and i thought about memory again. i thought about how i put west for east in the post earlier, and then i put w for m. i wonder if opposites or inversions are a symptom of memory loss. is my brain turning into an organ that sort of has a mind of it's own, that plays it's own hurdy gurdy tune, that's gonna go marching off after a different drummer. i'm reading thoreau's life now, and i want to read his diary, which he came to regard as not fodder for finished works, but the primary life work in itself, so full of lacunae and digression and flashing illuminated insight. the different drummer anyway. i heard that clear when i was 13.