we tend to want to control something, when the world is out of control. i know, dread implies future. future of no control. but when it's set on automatic you have very little control, except to change the setting. how to control it manual when you're used to automatic. somehow you got to shift. or improvise around the automatic. 
it was cold this morning and i tried not to think of the near future. mister had one laser treatment and seems worse. my instinct doesn't trust technology, and medicine, canine and human, is business, and business in medicine implies illness and does not apply to health. we have to think about what is making us ill. why the culture is so ill, and why our bodies fall in with the prevailing trend toward chaos.