i'm held by the surface tension. i can't dive deep. i maybe don't want to and my brain is making sure. like with mister this morning, it dawned on me, it's not that he's being willful and stubborn and trying to subvert my natural authority ha, it's just that he doesn't want to hurry. this awareness reminds me that i don't either.

 whymust i hurry up? i am not in a hurry. i do not want to hurry up. i prefer not to hurry up.