i said i'm sick. r. said i'm not sick. that i simply have a fungus on my skin. i say in my skin, as it is within my skin, and my skin is me, and the outermost layer of me still feels within.
as i read the book of zen on affliction i say that's what i have, a skin affliction, affliction as skin. i read that affliction is buddha. that is wild. maybe the sense is everything is buddha, but this is my skin. i remember fen's zen cone, his sad face. so this fungus quilting my dermal layers, this is my zen skin, this is my affliction, is it fed by my mind, by my illusion, 
can i awaken from this, is this my skin now, skin as affliction, from now on? what if it's a sick affliction? i need a zen cone for my whole damn skin.
p.s. in the shower i thought maybe sickness is too melodramatic, and affliction too grand. it's just a fungus, dog. get a grip. whatever it is i've never seen or felt anything like it, and even if it is a grand exaggeration i feel like my border is broken, and i am so occupied. i thought that itch was a sign of healing, but maybe it's just a sign of affliction. either way, sickness, or affliction, thanks to r. for putting up with me.