when did 11 become my number? is it just a wish? a wish for what? i remember once in myopic books a girl looked at my green shirt and said hi, 11 and i wasn't aware my shirt said 11 and she said that's my magic number, and then the next time i saw her without my green shirt she didn't recognize me and i said 11? and she just looked blank and turned away.
i never felt comfortable with numbers anyway. or girls. though i loved girls from my remove i hated numbers intimately. 
why 11, why 9-11 you might say, it's just a number. like the number of a day of a crash on the  road when everything inexorably changes, and all momentum is terror.
there's a dark magic in numbers and things we can't control. i sometimes feel like a number, like a song, a stranger in this land, a number waiting to be called.