i titled this picture anxiety disorder and found there was already a picture titled so in the same folder, so i took off the disorder and looked to find there are eighteen pictures with anxiety in the title, with one called simply anxiety, but that was last year, and it seems last year's anxiety was a separate category of anxiety, in time. in a way it's a relief, to know that i've been anxious many times going back a long way, before this diary, i was an anxious kid, raised on anxiety, though it always feel unprecedented, just the same. i probably talked it endlessly in therapy, and it never lessened for long. it never went away entirely. maybe by now it's just my default mode.