Wednesday, September 19, 2018


i say i'm going to try to be more pragmatic but it sounds like eight words more or less.  feeling disquiet, feeling futile, what if i give my attention to things i can be a part of. the cataclysms of society will still impact me, but perhaps there is sanity in not wasting attention and energy and despairing the things that are beyond me. can i even change me. this is not a pragmatic time, the feeling is not pragmatic. the time feels insane and i feel insane with the time. these are not pragmatic times. these are not pragmatic feelings. i can't opt out and i can't opt in. this is how it's always been. it's not just a default mode. as far as i am able i choose. i have opted out to the degree that i can, and it is a little pragmatic, yet quite problematic. i've tried to be in but not of this world as a non-believer, in money, or technology, or a presiding godhead. i don't feel like i came from another world, nor that i will go to another world. mostly i've felt stuck in this one and despaired that it is the only world, and that i have one life, so this is the first and last world, and i can't adapt, and i have wasted precious time. and that a lot of people have wasted precious time, and that we have wasted energy to the end of exhaustion of our lives and the lives of others many of whom we have never identified.

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